Logline....

[Micky P]

Thanks for that I really appreciate the input. I actually found the script easier to write than the logline! I am now reading whatever I can on the subject and it's paying dividends. The twist is in the synopsis so I'm happy that you have confirmed that for me, again my thanks.

Micky P

[rnbrewer]

The texting sounds like it's integral to the plot so mentioning it in the logling isn't a bad idea. The logline is intended to grab a potential readers attention and make them interested in reading more. The big plot twist at the end is something you might mention in the treatment or the synopsis, not the logline.

[Micky P]

Thanks for all your comments this is GREAT!! The TXT MRDRS is a good idea and I was originally going to go with "TXT ME - FND ME" but wasn't sure how it would be accepted/viewed. I'm using Don's first suggestion right now BUT like everything else in this industry it's finding the one that works so I'll be modifying my Logline on Inktip as I progress through their system using yuour thoughts so a big thank you. Another thought, if there is a twist at the end do I just leave it as that and not mention it in a logline? The texting is actually coming from an unknown source and only revealed in the final minutes of the movie. The texting isn't from the abducted student, any thoughts?

Mick

[ScriptNurse]

I would try this:  "A student tracks his missing girlfriend with text messages to find her before a killer does."

Title?  "Txt Mrdrs"

[uncle_al]

How about this:

"A student must track his missing girlfriend with text messages, and find her before a serial killer does."

A bit weak, perhaps, but a step in the right direction?

Cheers!
Al B.

[rnbrewer]

You could actually get rid of the last "-ing" in texting by turning it into a quick descriptor like "text-crazed" or "text freak boyfriend." I don't know. Just throwin' around idea's.

[ScriptNurse]

"Using text messaging a student must find his missing girlfriend before she becomes a killer’s next victim."

First, you're writing is passive. You start the sentence above with two "-ings" ... that's boxed you in.
Next, it's very factual ... facts come later. What you need is ACTION.

So, let's try some variations:

"A killer stalks a college coed and her texting boyfriend must find her before she's murdered."

[Micky P]

"Text Me - Find Me" is a feature script that I believe is summed up in the title. My problem is that I need my logline tidied up to get people to the next stage of wanting to read the synopsis. The movie has a twist at the end and I am torn to put it in the logline; it's in the synopsis. My logline for the feature is..  "Using text messaging a student must find his missing girlfriend before she becomes a killer’s next victim".  It seems pretty "so what?" to me but I could be so immersed in it I'm missing the obvious.