help...! with logline...

[ScriptNurse]

So ... the story is being told through his viewpoint. Does the audience experience it as he does, or are they "in on it" to some degree? If the audience is experiencing the story as he is, then what in the world is going to happen for the first 75 pages? The conflict doesn't begin until end of the second act when it seems to me you'd want that at the end of the first act.

But then ... maybe there's something I don't know.

[irish head]

Yes, I would see it through young guys eyes...

[ScriptNurse]

Something has to evoke interest. Is the story being told from the husband's viewpoint?

[irish head]

Nice one, but maybe it's giving away too much...the idea being the audience don't know about the
affair until end of 2nd act....

[ScriptNurse]

A friend made this comment after hearing your particulars:

"Doting husband and predatory wife inherit a small town home where she finds a predator soulmate."

[irish head]

Thanks don....

The young guy inherited the house they are moving to, from his aunt.
He is friendly and unasuming, she is a little cold...
He was also in a car accident which leaves him with loss of memory, from time to time...
The time frame I'm thinking is over a month or two..

It's a tricky one

S.

[ScriptNurse]

What is there to like about the yuppie couple? Why would be give a fat poop if they moved in or out or never showed up at all? Why are they moving there? Is it part of his recovery from a mental breakdown? Is there a backstory on this couple? Where did they live? Where did they meet? What social strata did each come from? Does he have an unusual occupation? Stand-up comic? Book binder? Mortician?

Is the story primarily about HIM? What is ironic or unexpected about the circumstance?

What is the time frame for this movie? How much time will pass when we watch it? Clearly, it's more than a day or two. A month or two? A cold winter?

What audience are you wanting to appeal to? Horror fans? Fans of "What Lies Beneath?"

You need a logline and a title FIRST ... BEFORE you write a single scene ... especially for this genre because it will steer how you write the story. If you write it and then try and craft a logline, you may very well find that you can't make it work very well ... and without a good, solid logline and title, you'll never effectively pitch this to anyone who should be reading your script.

Now you see the importance of a GREAT logline and a reinforcing title. It will give you focus and your story direction.

[irish head]

Hi Guys,

I'm thinking more along the lines of Malice, the alex baldwin/nicole kidman flick....
The concept being that the charming middle-aged man who lives in the town is
actually secretly working as a team with the yuppie's wife in an attempt to 'get rid'
of him and inherit the house and estate, worth millions...

[uncle_al]

Yes, what's their deal?
Ira Levin-type Stepford people?
Stephen King creepy Maine-iacs?
Pod people?
* * *
The possibilities go on...

Cheers!
Al B.

[ScriptNurse]

We need some clues here. How about a little description of the couple, the town and their "charming" neighbors? Is there something "wrong" with the town ... a la Amityville, Village of the Damned or Children of the Corn (I think that's the title). Be sure to indicate what the deal is with the neighbors, although you would not likely state this is a logline, it helps to get the right slant on it.

[irish head]

Trying to nail this one...help.....meeeeeee......

Yuppie couple escape to quiet seafront town, their charming neighbours are not
what they seem....