Problems with my outline

[ScriptNurse]

This is a fascinating story line, but it seems very complicated. Pay careful attention that there are so many details to try and follow that the audience loses interest.

As I see it, you have several ways to go with this story. My personal favorite would be a road trip and the comedic adventures they share together. For one, relief from eternal loneliness, and for the other, the ability to trust in others is restored. There is demand for stories about older people and comedies are always in style.

[podispod]

Hello everyone.
I am writing my first feature screenplay and having problems with my story. All feedback is very appreciated.

PS. English is not my first language and the outline has not been proof read yet, so sorry for grammar mistakes.

Cheers,
Eeva

Outline for „Talking is overrated“-

“Life can start even when it is about to end”


MARTA, 77, has lived fairly uninteresting life. She has never left her hometown Rakvere. She has worked in local bread-making factory over 50-years. She met her future husband in the elementary school and married young. They raised one daughter. MARTA's life collapsed when her husband unexpectedly dies. Alone and husbandless she does her best to go on with her life. But just when she is getting back on her feet MARTA is faced with another drawback.

Film begins with MARTA, having suffered a minor heart attack few weeks prior, moving from Estonia to Durham city to live with her daughter KAREN, 45, and her family. Far away from her home and familiar surrounding and unable to speak a single word of English, MARTA is facing an ultimate challenge- to start a new life. This quest is not easy. Not only is she estranged from her daughter KAREN but it is clear from day one KAREN’s family- husband STEVE, 43, son JON, 15, and daughter LAURA, 12- is not very happy with MARTA’s arrival. 

As a professional photographer, KAREN is constantly travelling and rarely home. STEVE hides in the local pub to watch football with mates and flirting with local barmaids. LAURA is discovering boys and make up and JON is spending most of his time hanging around the local shopping mall trying his best to fit in. MARTA is inevitable alone.

MARTA few possessions she took with her are scares replacement for attention she needs. She spends days and nights flipping through old photo albums and re-reading her favourite romance collection “Chronicles of Windmere”. That's all MARTA has ever known of England- meandering rivers and lakes, rolling hills, green countryside, ancient castles and poetic language used by famous best-selling author Grace Charlotte Day. MARTA's own life in Durham is turning out to be quite different.
 
The rare moments she does go out she is forced to face the local Hag club, gathering every noon at the street corner. They find MARTA a great subject for gossip. Among them we meet MAGGIE, 69.

MARTA and MAGGIE even though very different in lifestyle share one similarity- loneliness. Every Tuesday MAGGIE goes to a cooking class even though she hates cooking and only eats ready meals. She never has any visitors in case they mess up her white carpet. She likes writing poetry and is a big fan of „Anna Karenina“. Sometimes she looks at her husbands stamp collection he left behind while moving away to live with another woman. MAGGIE never got over the betrayal. How could she when her ex-husband only lives two doors down- a constant reminder of the good times she used to have.  That makes MAGGIE very depressed. Well travelled and once a well known dancer MAGGIE has had a colourful life. It is hard for her to realise it is all gone. There are times when life looses it meaning and she thinks seriously of suicide. The reason she never does is her cat Dinner.  What will happen to the poor animal.

MAGGIE and MARTA co-exist few streets apart both of them ignoring each others existence- MARTA trying to connect with her new life and MAGGIE trying to kill herself. They both fail day after day.

Further along the story KAREN feels her family is slipping away from her. Her relationship with STEVE is full of tension. In addition she hears a rumour about STEVE’s mysterious love affair. To save her family KAREN makes a bold move- she orders everyone to pack their bags and wheels them away to Bristol to spend some quality time together. MARTA is left home alone.

It is during this time that MARTA feels especially sentimental and cut out from life she used to have. Alone at home she reads her book over and over memorising every page. She paces around the house- lost. She lays in bed and dreams about home (which is clearly not Durham) and slowly starts blotting her plan. You see MARTA might seem cold and reticent but she has her dignity.

On the fifth day alone MARTA has made up her mind. She packs her bag to head back leave. But where should she go? Angry and disappointed in her family and England she plans to disappear and head back home to Estonia.

But MARTA is not only one feeling she has hit the bottom. While MARTA is backing her bag, MAGGIE sits on her kitchen table staring at Dinner’s lifeless body laying on the kitchen floor. Constantly postponing her suicide plans because of her cat, MAGGIE has to embrace a vital decision- rope or train. Which one you think Anna KARENina fan will choose?

MAGGIE leaves her house five minutes after MARTA. Handbag dangling from her armpit she makes her way through the rain towards train station. In her handbag, wrapped in a kitchen towel is dead Dinner. 

When MARTA reaches the train station to get a train to London airport, MAGGIE and Dinner are already on the platform. There is a train coming in 3 minutes to Inverness. Both women decide to take that train- MARTA because she has no clue what train is coming and MAGGIE because she doesn’t care under which train she dies. But as the train approaches MAGGIE looses her nerve. She is too big of a coward and can’t kill herself. To hide her confusion she boards the train with MARTA.

Having no ticket and no money to buy one, MAGGIE and MARTA get kicked off the train in the middle of Scotland, 354 miles from London. Poor women have to spend a night in a rundown station. 
         
In the same time in Bristol STEVE and KAREN have an heated discussion over their relationship and Marta. Accusations fly back and forth. STEVE denies everything and skilfully rolls the ball over to KAREN- Karen is hardly ever home, doesn't care about her family and to top it all has dragged a senile old bag to destroy their marriage. Finally they decide this can't go on any longer and MARTA has to move to a old people’s home.
   
In the morning MARTA and MAGGIE dump the suitcase and head over the plains towards nothingness. Finally they reach a small deserted country road. They wait for someone to pick them up. MAGGIE squatting down on a rock looks as depressed as ever. MARTA on the other hand has a new life awaken inside her. She strolls around the road. She stops in front of a huge decaying advertisement sign askew in a muddy creek. She doesn't understand a word it says but a name catches her attention. A name she has memorised long time ago and reminds her home- WINDMERE. Excited she shows MAGGIE the poster. MAGGIE doesn't understand MARTA's excitement but after seeing the sign it is her turn to be surprised. The rundown poster reads “Pet heaven- don't deny your pet the right for everlasting life”. MAGGIE hugs her handbag and starts crying.

In Durham things have gone interesting. Not seen MAGGIE for entire day the HAG CLUB calls police who brakes in to MAGGIE’S house. She is nowhere to be found. At the same time KAREN from Bristol contacts police for not being able to reach her mother. Police smacks in another door to discover another missing woman. This is strange indeed.

In the same time MAGGIE and MARTA are on their way to Windmere. and get picked up by RICKI, 23, who promises to take the ladies to next settlement and sings horrible Frank Sinatra songs. Ladies are so grateful when they reach a small village that they forget Dinner in Ricky's car.
      
I DON'T HAVE A STORY FROM HERE ON. I ONLY HAVE THE ENDING AND I KNOW KAREN AND MARTA WILL HAVE A CONFRONTATION SOMEWHERE IN THE STORY. THE MAIN PROBLEMS I NEED SOME HELP WITH ARE:
THE POINT WHERE MAGGIE AND MARTA GET PICKED UP- HOW FAR AM I WITH MY STORY? DO I WANT THEM DO HAVE A ROADTRIP, HAVE ADVENTURES AND MEET MORE CHARACTERS OR DO THEY JUST REACH WINDMERE AND THE STORY CULMINATES THERE?
 DO I NEED MORE CHARACTERS?
WILL DINNER GET LOST?
ENDING FOR THE STORY- MARTA AND MAGGIE REACH WINDMERE. MAGGIE GOES TO BURRY DINNER AND DISCOVERS THE PET GRAVEYARD IS RUN BY GRAZY AMERICAN JEHOVA WITNESSES. IT IS THERE THAT MAGGIE REALIZES THAT BURRING DINNER IS MERLY SENTIMENTAL AND MAGGIE AND MARTA BURRY DINNER IN THE TOWN SQUARE AT NIGHT. WITH ALL THE HASTLE WITH DINNER AND JEHOVA WITNESSES MAGGIE SERIOUSLY STARTS QUESTIONING AFTERLIFE AND THE STRENGHT IN HER BELIEFS. IN THE END SHE FINDS THE COURRAGE TO....(READ THE ENDING).
                                       
MARTA ON THE SAME TIME HAS HER OWN ISSUES TO SOLVE. SHE HAS NEVER DREAM OF FINDING WINDMERE AND HER ONE OUTLYING FANTASY HAS COME TRUE.
FROM THERE ON I DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO HER. WILL SHE LOOK FOR THE AUTHOR OF THE BOOK? DISCOVERS THAT WINDMERE IS JUST A FANTASY AND IN REAL LIFE IT IS NOT SO GREAT? ADMITS THAT MAGGIE HAS BIGGER PROBLEMS THAN HER AND BY HELPING MAGGIE TRUELLY BECOMES FREE. IN THE END KAREN FINDS HER. SAYS GOODBYE TO MAGGIE AS SHE HEADS BACK HOME- ESTONIA. (READ ENDING)




It's time for good byes. MAGGIE and MARTA, accompanied by horde of policemen and KAREN, are to part company. There are no hugs (MARTA, despite all the adventures, is still Estonian) but it is clear these two women understand each other. MARTA leaves with KAREN.

MAGGIE and two policemen stay on the train platform to board the next train to Durham. But MAGGIE has different plans. Alone now yet braver she finds the courage to make the jump she has dreamed off for so many years. It was time for her to go.

As the panic erupts in the station we see MARTA and KAREN driving away from the station unaware of MAGGIE's final act. It is time for MARTA to move on. 


END