Help with loglines an titles

[ScriptNurse]

For the first one, a comedy, how about "Road Grannies" ... it sounds like an elderly Thelma and Louise ... and fun.

[asjah8]

i like the first one as well.  to me, it reads like a buddy-comedy and i think genre is a good thing to impart in your log line.  i agree with SB, the title could be morbid, unless a comedy, then it reminds me a lot of my grandmother as she said this all the time before she got into mischief.

[StewBrain]

I like the first one out of the three.  The other two get progressively more wordy and confusing.  I've been told that a logline should be 10-15 well chosen words.  No longer than 25 words.

A pair of spirited grannies find trouble when they set out to regain their independence.

The title for the first one seems a little morbid if this is going to be a family, feel good, comedy/drama.  I suppose it could work if its going to be a silly movie.

The third one I know  you're talking about inner demons.  But the way its written it could be the kind where a battle axe and Buffy would be a welcome sight.

Re-write them as if they were to be the headline on a newspaper.  Then add a little detail to make it more interesting and clear.

I'm new at this so take that advice for what it's worth.  Hope it helps.

[gothere]

Here are my three loglines and I would love some feedback on how they can be improved and what some suitable titles should be. I have included the titles that I have been using.

1. Not Dead Yet - To regain their independence from their over protective families, a pair of high spirited grannies rebel and embark on an eye opening road trip through America's southwest but find nothing but trouble.

2. Life Forgotten - When a group of adult siblings discover unread letters revealing their deceased mother's final wishes for them, they must each contemplate what they could have been as opposed to what they've become.

3. Morgan and Sydney provide each other with the courage to combat the demons that plague them. Their friendship is put to the test when an outside influence...their boss, wages war against them. When faced with the professional battle of their lives they realize they have each other's back.