Working on my outlines-need help.

[ScriptNurse]

I know the goal is 25 words, but I think a more practical measure is one breath with enough air reserve to deliver the logline with appropriate emphasis.

Short, short, short loglines = high, high, high concept ... which means even the most moronic bean-counter in Hollywood is likely to "get it."

[uncle_al]

thanks for your feed back one more question. is it important to specify what kind of film it is, (like is it a sci fi, war, fantasy, modern) in the logline.

Not really... the rest of the query letter (in which your logline is inserted) may specify this, but again, not necessarily... It would depend on the approach your letter is taking.

JACK, soldier in a rebel army, is sent to find recruits and rescue prisoners, but finds the truth about his life... and his war.

24 if you add that 'the' in there, and you're one step closer.

Ah, but does he find the truth, some truth, or just a truth?
Think about it... there are important differences in the use of those three words.
And my formulation, "finds truth", adds a fourth difference.  This doesn't specify any of the three preceding alternatives.

Cheers!
Al B.

[NutsForGettoBooty50]

thanks for your feed back one more question. is it important to specify what kind of film it is, (like is it a sci fi, war, fantasy, modern) in the logline.

[scripto]

JACK, soldier in a rebel army, is sent to find recruits and rescue prisoners, but finds the truth about his life... and his war.

24 if you add that 'the' in there, and you're one step closer.  Al is right, it's a logline, not an outline.  An outline would be much longer.

Obviously, Al is good at loglines.  Good idea for a story NutsForGettoBooty50 (try to say that 50 times fast!). . .

[uncle_al]

Just for the record... and no insult intended... the twenty-five word summary is a "logline" or a "one-line".
(An outline is something entirely different.)
<--END PEDANTIC MODE-->
Now, as I understand your topic, the main character (Jack) is a warrior in a rebel army, seeking to overthrow a tyrannical government that is sending conscripts to fight a war against a neighbor, and as he travels in search of recruits and captured soldiers, he learns the "truth" about the causes and motivations behind this war, and his own rebellion.

Close enough for government work?

So, Jack wants something... to the exclusion of almost anything else.  He wants to overthrow the government, he wants to end the war with the neighboring country, he wants to find recruits, he wants to rescue prisoners, he wants to survive to eat his next meal, drink his next bottle of booze, make love with his next concubine.

Whatever.

You need to bring this out - but not all of it at one time (information overload).

Try this:

JACK, soldier in a rebel army, is sent to find recruits and rescue prisoners, but finds truth about his life... and his war.

Twenty-three words, but it's a place to start.

Cheers!
Al B.

[NutsForGettoBooty50]

Currently reading Raindance lab - How to sell a hot screenplay.
the writer says you gotta have a really good 25 word outline before even starting a treatment.
So im gonna list out a few outlines and anyfeed back would be good.

1st idea - Jack, a brave warrior in a rebellion army must travel to seek recruits, to fight its governmant that is forcing its people to fight to the death.

2nd idea - Jack a shell-shocked, brave soldier must travel across his country (at war with its neighboring country) on a mission to find missing soldiers. while traveling he discovers the untold truth of the war history.

2nd idea(2) Jack, a soldier in a civil war is sent out on a mission across enemy land, to find captured soldiers. on his journey he learns more about the wars history.

the genre for both ideas, is futuristic, apocolypitic movies, sci fi. (well something like that)
I know these outlines are over 25 words but im working on that, if you can help me, or rewrite it for me, it would be a great help. Any advice, like maybe im giving too much information, or lacking it. Plus tell me if you like my idea or not, thats very important to me, cause the last thing i want to do is start writting unlikeable screenplays.
Im kind of new to writting features, but im a fast learner.