Stuck on an Idea.

[T1000]

About the Rosicrucians,

The way your telling in the plot almost sounds like what the "Remaining" untrialed "Nazi's" were trying to form after 1945. They were forming a secret society that would provide refuge for them and kept hidden until a later time in life so they would rise back to power do to some 3rd world countries that honored there former status. The Secret code or group was "" ...,ah...geez I had it on my tip of my tongue and I just cant remember it, and I just saw the story today on the History channel. Ha!,I remembered it was "Odessa".

The Group was made up of sympathizers like large company owners, bank groups executives and The German Clergy, because they knew that communism would eliminate them so they had to help the ones that keep them in order. Matter a fact it was the Clergy that Notarized Joseph Mengela's pasport and Eichman's too. The Clergy notarized hundreds of Nazi Criminals Passports.

[ash303]

Awesome guys, thanks for all the help. I think I'm gonna let this idea sit for a few days, then come back and read over these posts, and start with a fresh brain.

-ash

[ScriptNurse]

Here's some movie advice:

If they're bad — make them VERY bad, not just naughty. The producers will dumb it down for you automatically.

If they're good — make them VERY good, not just pretty good. Dent isn't Mother Theresa but he's not your Uncle Ned either.

Don't use the Rosicrucians ... make up your own name, just be careful that it's not too similar ... unless, of course, you like being sued.

At this point, I would write a story (aka treatment) and see where things go. It'll also give you a guide to follow to write the screenplay. This approach worked very well for George Lucas when he was developing the Star Wars films ... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Star_Wars ... see "Original trilogy"

[uncle_al]

Writing for TV isn't all that different... the script format for filmed TV is the same as for features, only you indicate an "act break" (a hook to keep the viewer interested during the commercial breaks) in the script.  Dramatically, instead of the main conflict of the story being the MOST IMPORTANT EVENT of the hero's life, it has to be important, but not important enough to overshadow the continuing drive of the series.  (When Dr. Richard Kimble caught the one-armed man, the series The Fugitive was over.)

Think on it...

Cheers!

Al B.

[ash303]

uncle_al:

Yeah the idea was for this to be a comic book when I started working on it, but since my artist fell through and I'm not so much an artist, I thought I could maybe turn it into a movie. I'm not familiar with writing for TV or I would give that a shot. As far as the rosicrucians go, I chose them because they are heavy into alchemy and they are for "the reformation of mankind". I figured I could spin that into a solid reason for setting up an empire to fall, only to rebuild it bigger and better. I might have to rework the whole thing, because it's not like the rosicrucians are bad really, they are just going through a cycle of life. Build an empire, let it hit it's peak, destroy it, rebuild a new empire. It's hard to really build a bad guy out of that I suppose.

ScriptNurse:

I don't think the rosies need to keep people in check at this point. Their goal is to allow anarchy to reign for a time, so that the weak are weeded out, and a new, better empire can be formed. I think I kinda damned myself from the beginning by using them as the "bad guy", because they really aren't that bad. No more so than Dent with his flaws and mistakes from his past.


I guess in all, this is really more suited for a serial rather than a movie. If you guys have any other suggestions or questions, please post them. Thanks

-ash

[ScriptNurse]

Dent Denton is the protagonist and the "Rosies" are the bad guys. How do the Rosies keep everyone / everything in check? Is there some sort of control mechanism for the masses?

Dent can't do it alone. If he could, he'd be named Superman instead. Who's going to help him and why? Did he find a tiny crack in the Rosie armor? Is there a "Deepthroat" that feeds him information from the inside? Is he helped by his former wife and long-lost son? WHAT IF ... instead of dumping them years before, they were taken from him by the Rosies to keep him in-check? He presumes them to be dead and learns they are not. Eventually they are reunited and together they resolve to work to topple the illegitimate government?

[uncle_al]

You've got the backstory for about five or six movies there, if I read it right...
Would Dent's character be something akin to Mad Max in the later two films?  Would he be a focal point for the accretion of new rules of law?  Would he be a shock of nihilistic vigilantism, tearing down whatever social order has been tenuously established?
Plenty to think about.
Now...
The Rosicrucians?  That's almost as bad as the Freemasons, the Trilateral Commission, or the Rothschilds.
The only "secret society" I've ever been able to get my mind around was the Technological Hierarchy for the Removal of Undesirables and Subjugation of Humanity - T.H.R.U.S.H., from the series The Man From U.N.C.L.E....

Now, please don't take this as a damning criticism, sending your entire premise to hellandgone... I merely question the use of the Roseate Cross as your "villains of yore".  If you find that they're the BEST group to be the movers behind this apocalyptic whimper, then so be it.

And, on a side note, this seems to me to be a better premise for at least an extended miniseries, if not a full dramatic series.
There's a LOT there to be explored, and a weekly show could bring it out, bit by bit, as it unfolded.

There are at least three major arcs I can see... first, Dent's wandering, keeping ahead of the Judges (I would think they'd be somewhat unfriendly to someone who quit their group); next, Dent's search for his wife and child (this can be established in the pilot - perhaps he's found out that he carries a genetic trait that could cause her death without treatment of some sort, or, perhaps, Dent learns that the Judges are out to capture them, and use them as leverage against him; third, Dent's self-appointed mission to help and inspire the rebirth of the rule of law, not of power alone. 

He could be a figure of legend... The Man Who Left The Judges, or some such thing.

These ideas spring from my interpretation of your backstory... and they're worth whatever you take them to be.

Cheers!

Al B.

[ash303]

Hey guys, been browsing around the forums for a few days and decided to join up. You guys seem to know how to criticize properly so here it goes.

I've been kicking a story around in my head for about a year now, and just recently had time to sit down and start working it out. I've done a bit of the essay writing, as far as roughing out an essay on my main character and the antagonists of the story, and i know the entire back story, but for some reason I'm drawing a blank on "what happens next".

Here is a synopsis of the back story. Sorry if I ramble a bit, I'm a bit frayed with all the racking of the brain.

It starts as a what if. What if in 1973 when the middle eastern countries put an embargo on oil, the U.S. decided to break off ties with the rest of world, and become completely independent? (hey maybe that could be my log line.) The U.S. sets up mining facilities all across the the country, and things go well for a time, but eventually the states that neither mine nor refine oil, become more and more disenfranchised from it's government and the other states. This leads to a second civil war. Fighting rages for a few years, and this serves as a smoke screen for a larger plot. During the war, the government (who are controlled by an organization known as the "Rosicrucians") suddenly disappear, destroying oil rigs and refineries, on their way out of the country, leaving the two warring sides nothing. This leads to a "post apocalyptic" era, with no government and no natural resources, essentially forcing people to band together into many different groups, left to rebuild new outposts and small towns to find protection from all the dangers of the new world. A group of "protectors" form, calling themselves the Judges, and they roam the country bringing their form of justice to an unlawful world. At first people find safety in this, but over time it becomes apparent that the Judges are more about vigilante violence, that lawful peace.

That's the gist of the back story. Basically the Rosicrucians set everything up, and allowed the destruction of an "empire", because in the story that's what they have done since the beginning of time. They did it with the romans, the mayans, etc.

The actual screenplay is set in 2017. It follows Nathanial "Dent" Denton in his 50's. There is a whole backstory to him that intertwines with the war and how he fought in it during his teens. How he joined the Judges for a time. How he fathered a child and left her and her mother for their own good.

Basically I've set up a story that's set in the future, that looks like a steampunk/western, and now I'm stuck on where to go with the story. How do I mesh the back story into the main story, without a million flashbacks? On top of that, for some reason I can't find a purpose to justify a story about Dent after the war and the judges, but I really want to have the story take place in this post civilized world. At first I wanted him to be the catalyst for the next empire, but that just makes the story even longer and more confusing. (the Rosicrucians allow the destruction of an empire, then see to it that a bigger, better empire follows, as they have done throughout time.)

I'm just looking for confidence, tips, or criticism to keep me going. Sorry for such a long post, but thanks for letting me get all that off my mind for a bit.

-ash