Horror logline - need help

[ScriptNurse]

I always think shorter is better because the listener has more latitude in their interpretation ... and they get the image they're looking for sooner.

[T1000]

A Group of test subjects open the door to another realm, cause a nighmare-ish pandora

this is a real short logline

Yes? Maybe?  

[ScriptNurse]

After looking them over ... each logline averages 26 words ... I tried to punch it up a little:

An insomniac enters a terrifying dreamworld to save his girlfriend from the creatures spawned by his nightmares.  (17)

An insomniac enters a dark dreamworld to save his girlfriend from a horrifying demon.  (14)

Participants in a sleep experiment open a door to an evil dreamworld that spawns all nightmares.  (16)

[slavi111]

Thanks for the crit, guys. After some revisions here what I've got:

1 Struggling to save his girlfriend from a horrifying demon, an insomniac paramedic enters a terrifying dreamworld where he must face the creatures, born of his worst nightmares.

2 When a sleep experiment spins out of control, an insomniac paramedic must enter into a dark, nightmarish dreamworld and save his girlfriend from a horrifying demon.

3 Participating in a sleep experiment, a group of test subjects opens a door to a dark, evil dreamworld from where all nightmares come from.

[ScriptNurse]

I like it, Chuck58.

[Chuck58]

I positively suck at loglines, but I can see where all of them can be cut. This one, for example.

As he struggles to save his girlfriend from a horrifying demon devouring peoples’ souls in their sleep, an insomniac paramedic enters into the beast’s lair, a dark, nightmarish dreamworld where he must face the horrifying creatures, born of his worst nightmares.

To this,

Struggling to save his girlfriend from a horrifying demon, an insomniac paramedic enters a terrifying dreamworld where he faces his worst nightmares.

To me, it says enough but not too much. You had nightmare and nightmarish. Pretty similar thus repetitive. I switched the first to terrifying.

[ScriptNurse]

These average 39 words each ... kinda longish and wordy.  Try cutting them in half ... get to the meat ... make it so you can say it in one breath.  Start your logline with the protagonist so we know whose point of view we're coming from.

[slavi111]

I have a few options (loglines) for my query. I would love to hear what you think and which one you like most. Any critique is welcome. Thanks

1 As he struggles to save his girlfriend from a horrifying demon devouring peoples’ souls in their sleep, an insomniac paramedic enters into the beast’s lair, a dark, nightmarish dreamworld where he must face the horrifying creatures, born of his worst nightmares.

2 When a sleep experiment goes horribly wrong, a group of test subjects goes into comas, their brains trapped together into a dark, nightmarish dreamworld, a lair of a horrifying demon devouring peoples’ souls in their sleep.

3 Exploring an old, remote mansion, inducing all its occupants to dream the same dream, a group of people discovers a short passage to a dark, nightmarish dreamworld from where the creatures from their worst nightmares can cross into the real world.