Random Acts Of Violence

[uncle_al]

Trapped in a secret government experiment, a quarantined pacifist struggles to survive long enough to get a cure for a disease that makes him and other human guinea pigs prone to fits of uncontrollable homicidal rage.

Don, you've tweaked it past "good" into "OH, WOW!"
Me like!

Al B.

[ScriptNurse]

I like ... Mindless Killers ... logline d:

Trapped in a secret government experiment, a quarantined pacifist struggles to survive long enough to get a cure for a disease that makes him and other human guinea pigs prone to fits of uncontrollable homicidal rage.

cure ... antidote?

[GuyM]

I always appreciate two farthings.

[uncle_al]

The "guinea pigs" image sets you up for possibly helpless test subjects turning on their experimenters.  I think that's a powerful image process...

"Mindless Violence" is shorter, pithier, and conveys a different mise en scene than the other two.  I think that's the ticket...

Just my two farthings...

Al B.

[GuyM]

Thanks to you both for taking the time to comment. It's really helpful to get your thoughts.

[rnbrewer]

I have to partially agree with Al on this one. I also like the first title "Random Acts of Violence", but the third one rolls out of the mouth easier. You don't want to give the audience too much of a mouth full.

The same goes for the log line. d) Just reads better. It's smoother and catchier. The use of the term guinea pig gives it a certain quality that I can't quite put my finger on, but I like it.

Ryan B.

[GuyM]

Thanks for your opinion. I was hoping you'd say 1 and B as those are my favourites! Hopefully a few people will comment and there'll be some degree of consensus.

[uncle_al]

Horror/Thriller

3). Mindless Violence

Loglines:

d). A quarantined pacifist must survive long enough to get a cure for a disease that makes him and other human guinea pigs prone to fits of homicidal rage. (28 words)

These two are the ones I prefer... they strike me as the ones to go.

Your mileage may vary.  Prices slightly higher in Alaska, Hawaii, and Guam.  Professional writer on closed course.

Cheers!

Al B.

[GuyM]

I'm currenlty workshopping this. Would appreciate any feedback on the title and logline.

Horror/Thriller

Three possible titles and four possible loglines.

Titles:

1). Random Acts Of Violence

2). Random Acts Of Mindless Violence

3). Mindless Violence

Loglines:

a). A quarantined pacifist fights to help find a cure for the fits of murderous rage he and other test subjects have become afflicted with. (24 words).

b). A quarantined pacifist fights to help find a cure for the fits of murderous rage he and other test experimental subjects have become afflicted with. (25 words).

c). A quarantined pacifist fights to help find a cure for the condition that's given him and his fellow test subjects psychotic episodes. (22 words)

d). A quarantined pacifist must survive long enough to get a cure for a disease that makes him and other human guinea pigs prone to fits of homicidal rage. (28 words)