Opening Credits

[Daysleeper]

The last thing I wanted to do was research on this project, but it's starting to look like that is the last thing I'll do. I've got something going that's similar going to what Llojo suggested, revealing characteristics of the location as the characters run through it, but it seems the more I reveal, the more likely someone would wonder, "How in the heck would you find a building like that in the middle of the desert?" So I'll check out the Vegas commercial scene and see if I can't come up with something reasonable. The Ole Chip Factory?

Thanks again, guys, for your help. I'm still drinking up articles and books on the screenwriting process so maybe one day I'll be able to assist someone else. In the meantime I'll keep an eye on this site for more info, and I'll pipe in with more questions in the appropriate forum after I've printed out the draft. Can't beat the quick responses here. Thx.

[ScriptNurse]

I would suggest the kind of building it once was. Is it out of place (i.e. somewhat monolithic), just some sort of nondescript factory or a closed down research lab?

EXT. ABANDONED LAXSO RESEARCH LAB - DAY

Or, you could take out the Laxso name, but I think it's good to suggest what sort of building it might have been.

[LloJo]

Jack and Jill race toward an old building.

INT. BUILDING - NIGHT

Shining a flashlight, Jack inspects the building. The light falls on an elevator door. Over the door is a circular dial, numbered one to eight.

                                            JACK
                              I don't suppose there's a
                              chance in Hell...
                                            JILL
                              You'll never know 'til you try.

Jack advances and pushes the call button. A creaking is heard as the doors open.

Now, THAT you can get away with.

[Daysleeper]

Thanks again, Don. Now that I think about it that scene doesn't occur until the third act so I shouldn't have been concerned with it to begin with. I'm worried about my script getting tossed over technicalities in the first act. Thanks for your patience.

Ive got one more Q and it has to do with plausability. I need a 12-story, empty building (maybe a security guard) on a road 50 miles outside of Vegas in the middle of the desert with a working freight elevator. Don't ask how it came to this, let's just say I need a villian to take a fall for poetry's sake. I've never been to Vegas, but I really doubt if such a building would turn up.

What I did was simply describe it as the couple runs toward it: They are headed toward an old, tall building. Then the slug line

INT. BUILDING - NIGHT

After which I describe that it's empty with a working freight elevator and 12 floors. Can I get away with this?

[ScriptNurse]

Remember, you don't have to go to great lengths to spell it out for the reader. We KNOW that if the prosecutor taps the button on the intercom and says "Rosie, check this out for me." that he's talking into the box. It's not necessary to insert a parenthetical. If during the conversation with the prosecutor and the witness the intercom BLEEPS, the next voice is likely to be that of Rosie. With the help of a little action description, you shouldn't need any parentheticals, making it smoother and easier to read.

Use parentheticals to indicate to whom someone is being spoken to when it's not obvious. Otherwise, try to avoid them.

[Daysleeper]

Thanks, SN, I'll do it just like you suggested. I'd hate to have them toss my script after looking at the first page.

How'bout a tricky one? I've got the prosecutor and a witness in his office along with his asst., Rosie, on the intercom. He says "The transaction was at 8:13?" then he presses the intercom, "Rosie, check the airlines for a ticket purchased at 8:13pm." Rosie: "Yes sir." Then more dialog with the witness and Rosie beeps in: "Sir, a SW Airlines ticket was purchased by ABC corp at 8:14 in the name of A. Radcliff." Prosecutor: "Thanks." Then to the witness: "Yes, it's interesting but it doesn't prove anything."

I read on this site that parentheses should be avoided when possible but it seems like this sequence would be rife with them.

[ScriptNurse]

In a spec script you do NOT indicate credits. That's the job of the director. Writers who intend to direct their own work will sometimes indicate the credits. Credits and shot numbers and the like are added to the script when the shooting script is being written.

Write your opening montage, ending on the character you want the viewer to follow. The character you end the montage on should be the protagonist (hero) in your movie.

[Daysleeper]

First script. I have a handful of Qs but I'll just start with this one about the opening credits. First off, is it OK to do this? I saw it in the "Blood Simple" script but I know those guys were directing so it may be OK there and not elsewhere.

I'd like to establish the setting with a montage of camera shots around an office, then focus on one particular worker to start the movie. How do I present this, is there like a Begin/End Credits transition or standard? Can I indicate when to flash the title while describing the shots?