TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!!

[ScriptNurse]

Three men, three different occupations and a thirst for something more in a boring suburban life is the result of the witnessing of a bank robbery.

How does this sound ...

Three men with a thirst for excitement and escape from boring suburbia get their wish when they witness a bank robbery.

[uncle_al]

Agreed.  It would also simplify the exposition, the "laying pipe", if they could use the already-done robbery they witness as an object lesson.

As an old-time Hollywood director used to say, "Keep it moving... You can't see the teeth on a buzz-saw."

Al Bouchard

[ScriptNurse]

The advantage to Padnar's approach is that it would instantly thrust you into the core of the story and get you off to a fast start.

[padnar]

I feel it would be better if you first start
with a bank hold up and these people
talking about it with a drink in their
hand and what fun it will be to break the law
and each character saying how boring is there jobs
this is my personal opinion

[joeyc]

Three men, three different occupations and a thirst for something more in a boring suburban life is the result of the witnessing of a bank robbery.

Alan Giovanni, Jeff Distle, and Mike Irish are three suburban men, a locksmith, Architect, and lawyer. They are also bored out of there minds by these jobs and are thinking of taking on a second in being criminals. They start fulfilling their fantasies by committing petty crimes like shoplifting until one day they all witness a bank robbery and wish they were on the other end of the gun. This easily pulled off heist by the men in masks makes it look easy and is the deciding factor in the starting of a crime partnership between the three men, They start robbing local banks and city banks without much incident until one job where a cashier is shot gives one of he gunman a taste for blood and leaves the others disgusted. Leaving an odd man out and revealing a true sociopath in the group. The group reluctantly agrees to do one last robbery where the odd man out goes on a murderous rampage leading to a shootout with the police and two of the men thinking of turning on the third.