My very first script please help

[LloJo]

In which case, you're doing well. I look forward to a little more information so I can better understand your creatures.
Keep up the good work.

[forestguardian2007]

thanks for the help LloJo I did not see the there typos and am fixing them and trying to be more direct with my wrighting. I mainly put some of the stuff that can't be filmed in there for my own ref Im the one that is going to animate this fist pilot episode.

 I'm creating a history for the races I'm using in the story. From there normal history to the reason why they have evolved the way that they did. I will also go into this in greater detail in the main story. After it is all said and done I want all the questions that have been posted to be answered. These creatures are hard for people to understand and it is my job to make sure you are informed but intertained at the sametime.

 The main reason Im writing a story about these kinds for creatures is in the feild of animation it really has not been done. People say that disneys stuff is like what Im doing. Not even close. I want to create something truly new, and bring the world I'm creating to life.

[LloJo]

I punched up your story, and started to do a serious critique, but found myself unable to do so.
I understand that you have not yet secured a screenwriting program, but there are other problems as well. There are many uses of the word "there" when it should be "their." This is extremely hard for the reader, and it will not be picked up by spell check. You MUST get spelling, grammar, punctuation and word usage down pat before submitting work for consideration or critique.
In several instances, you have told us information that cannot be filmed. This will work in a treatment or a synopsis, but not in a script. Show us, don't tell us.
In describing your work, you explain your characters are not human, but rather like deer or horses. Unless these creatures have evolved with hands and opposable thumbs, I find it hard to picture them using bows and arrows. Perhaps you can clarify this.
The idea would probably work, if some of the new filming techniques were used, ie, cartoon, claymation or some such. It certainly is original in concept, and deserves work. GOOD work!
I'll keep looking for your rewrites.

[forestguardian2007]

Ok before I get to the script I would just like you to know that this is being edited as I type this so and is being retyped into a script software i picked up so sorry about any grammer problems that there maybe....

Ok here it is first first real try at a script this is also the pilot for the first episode of my soon to be tv show hania the Last Guardian-

Trials of the Guardian- Chapter 1- Childhoods Final Day http://www.fileden.com/files/2007/4/27/1021456/Chapter%201.doc

One last thing please note that I have been trying to leave out any wording that refers to humans being in the picture. My story is based long after humans destroyed themselfs. My characters are mostly deer and horse like, with there own culture, history, and ways of doing things with I also created based on these animals and there world.

 So what did you think?

If you would like to know more about the story, characters, there history, or would like to see some pictures please ask am more than help to show people my work.