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Author Topic: Have a look...  (Read 1584 times)
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FLM
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« Reply #3 on: September 29, 2007, 04:05:43 PM »
ah good one! I thought they felt a little "wordy".
I'll give it another go.
thanks!
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« Reply #2 on: September 29, 2007, 02:23:27 PM »
I would do something like ...

"An assassin turned detective tracks down the killers of a friend only to confront his past demons."
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Don Bledsoe
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Want to write screenplays? READ SCREENPLAYS!
Write it right and they'll say it right! NO SPEEDBUMPS!
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LloJo
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« Reply #1 on: September 29, 2007, 11:52:24 AM »
I like the second one better, but consider losing a couple of adjectives; Crippling, horrific, lawless, distant. They don't really add to the message.
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FLM
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« on: September 28, 2007, 10:40:06 PM »
Opinions are welcome...
I'm torn on this one.
I'm sending it out next week but I'm not happy with it.
Maybe some fresh eyes will have a better idea. 

"An ex-gunman turned detective, with a crippling, horrific past, hunts the killers of an old friend in a lawless town
only to become the hunted by the very evil that haunts his mind from years before."

or

"A ex-gunman turned detective embarks on a mission to a lawless gold rush town, tracking down the killers of an old friend only
to find he must confront his horrific, distant past that nearly shattered him years ago."
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