Logline: Shining Light

[GuyM]

Thanks! I'm a happy bunny now!

[ScriptNurse]

Very good ... now we know what's going to happen.

[GuyM]

Thanks Don! OK, this time I got it! Howz about;

Two idealistic friends turn criminal to please the leader of their religious cult. As one of them rises to power within the group the other battles to regain her sanity, leave the group and prevent a mass suicide.

[ScriptNurse]

I think the wording is a bit flooey, but I like it much better.

[GuyM]

OK Howz about;

An idealistic twenty something fights to regain her sanity after joining a rmanipulative religious cult and finds races against time to prevent a mass suicide.

[ScriptNurse]

Your logline should contain some reference as to how the principal character is changed at the end ... after all, THAT is what the story is really about and everything else is the mechanism for that change.

[GuyM]

Don

I misunderstood the term hight concept completely and have just finished looking up its definition online! You're right, I'm wrong! It's not a high concept film. What I wanted to say was that it deals with difficult and often mispercieved subject matter. I've dealt with this by structuring the story in a way that stops things from being quite as simple as I would like to keep them but I hope it works.

How is Amanda different at the end of the film? Her world view has completely changed, to the point where she is an active opposition to the very people she would have given everything for. She has changed from an extremist to a rational person.

[ScriptNurse]

An explanation this long does not strike me as "high concept."

How is Amanda different at the end of the story from how she was at the beginning?

[GuyM]

Thanks for the reply Head Nurse! Yes, err, going from singular to plural, I’ll try to avoid typing in loglines in the wee small hours from now on!

Now, I hope this does not sound like self indulgent waffle but I feel I’m having problems with the logline because it’s a high concept story and it deals with the thought reform process (kind of like brainwashing) used by cults to indoctrinate people. I feel that this process is a character in the screenplay even though it has no physical presence. It affects the way people behave in almost every scene and causes conflict within and between the other characters and the world around them. There are two lead characters they are; Tim a man in his 20s who initially appears to be the protagonist who is lured into the cult despite being a likable and intelligent young man. He eventually becomes the second in command in the cult and is prepared to lead its followers to a mass suicide when the Guru goes missing.

The main protagonist is Amanda. She is a cult member who recruits and helps to indoctrinate Tim. Though she eventually begins to doubt her Guru and oppose the group and finds herself in position to be able to stop the mass suicide. She begins as an antagonist slowly emerging as protagonist whilst Tim does the exact opposite.

In answer to questions you ask;
1. The story is bout the process of though reform. How it enslaves a group of people whilst one woman escapes from it.
2. The story is initially told from Tim's point of view with Amanda's point of view taking over the story progresses. I appreciate that this is a somewhat unconventional and risky strategy but I feel it is right due to the nature of the subject matter.
3. This is not based on any one cult group in particular although I did do a lot of research and several different cults influenced it. Interestingly (at least to me!) there is a huge amount of similarity in how these groups opperate, control their members etc, even if they are "dressed up" differently.

Here’s another stab at a logline:

An idealistic young cult recruiter turns criminal to raise cash for her manipulative Guru only to question his true motivations. After battling against her own intoctrinated mindset she finds herself in unique position to stop the group's members comitting suicide as they count down to armageddon.

Sorry for writing such a long post. If I'm taking the mickey, with this let me know but I do appreciate any feedback.

[ScriptNurse]

Well, you went from singular to plural along the way: 
An idealistic twenty something ... find themselves in race against time

Take a step back for a moment and ask:

1. What is this story about, in it's MOST simplistic terms? About what happens to ... a certain man? ... a certain religious "guru?" ... a group trapped in a religious cult?

2. From what point of view will you tell this story? Through the eyes of ... a certain man? ... a certain religious "guru?" ... a group trapped in a religious cult?

3. Is this story about real people and real events? If so, that could change everything.

[GuyM]

Appreciate any feedback on my the logline below for my drama Shining Light.

An idealistic twenty something  commits to a new religious movement intent on saving humanity from damnation only to have doubts about the authenticity of its guru, his miracles and his agenda and find themselves in race against time to prevent a mass suicide.