Log line: Flowers in your Hair

[stebinus]

P.S. LloJo I have taken your advice and shortened the synopsis and edited the previous post containing it with the new version.

[stebinus]

Thank you LloJo for reading my material, for your valuable comments and for taking the time to write your version up. I found your take very interesting and it was my turn to be impressed by your writing skills. It also sounds like you're pretty familiar with the city which is cool because I have a lot of childhood memories of it. It has always been a magical place to me.

I use various references to San Francisco and hippies throughout the script as motifs: several popular songs, fragments in conversations between characters, a short scene with a minor character (Roger's aunt) who lives there and many mentions of and remarks about hippies. San Francisco and the 60s “experience” are developed more as a state of mind or an ideal than a reality, a sort of Valhalla on the hill, and I want to keep it that way until the very end. The travelogue is in keeping with this idealized or misty, unreal conception of the city and sets the tone for how I want it to be perceived. It also gives a certain tongue in cheek approach which resonates with the comic relief in the script, which is (hopefully) frequent. I also want the conception of hippies in the script to remain idealized and light, staying away from some of the seedier realities. As someone who lived through the era I could get into a whole discussion about hippiedom and what it means to different people but lets just say I want to keep it like an intriguing spice to flavor the main dish which is of course the story of how two young people overcome the odds against their being together.

The script is pretty much complete and I would be happy to share it if people want. Can you suggest a way to to this? I have been thinking of uploading it to Celtx Project Central and I could provide a link to that. Not having done that before it might take me a little time to figure out how that is done. Again thank you for your interest and comments. I greatly appreciate them.

[LloJo]

I read your start and am properly impressed.
A few comments:
The first paragraph smacks of directing, which of course is a no-no in spec scripts. I did my take on it to show you how I'd have written it. Of course, it's your story. I'm also wondering why you start in San Francisco. I know it has an important role in the picture, but it might wait until the kids arrive there. Just a thought...
Your synopsis is a bit long, but it's good.
We want more!

Note: The attachment is under the paperclip. Use it as you see fit.

[stebinus]

And here's the first two pages. Hope you like.

San francisco travelogue

In an old travelogue in faded color of San Francisco in the 60s, a narrator, characteristic of that era's style of mass-audience documentary, points out the sights of the city interspersed with the distinctively corny type of commentary and tired jokes. Annoyingly upbeat music accompanies. Included are some shots of hippies along with mildly insulting, stereotypical comments about them.

EXT. The Weston academy - dusk, winter

SUPER: "MICHIGAN - FEBRUARY, 1969"

Snow falls around a sign almost buried in a drift. It reads "The Weston Academy." In the b.g. sits the charming campus of a college preparatory school nestled in amongst the Northern pines with classic-rustic, north-woods architecture. There are various shots of assorted buildings juxtaposed with nature: snow-draped trees, scampering squirrels, winter birds, etc.
As night falls, a few small groups of students walk under streetlights on the roads and paths.

EXT. weston campus road - same time

Two young people, ROGER, a tall and lanky boy with a Beatle-style haircut, and GWEN, a pixieish young lady with glasses, both late teens, walk arm-in-arm on a road between campus buildings with the occasional streetlight overhead. They are bundled up in winter garb and Roger carries a large white laundry sack slung over his shoulder.

GWEN

So where did he get the key?

ROGER

It's just an old house key or something from home. He happened to be trying it in all different locks around campus and he found one that it fit.

GWEN

That guy is nuts!

ROGER

Yeah. Lucky for us.

They turn to enter a narrower path in a more wooded area, not as well lit, and pass a sign reading "Weston Summer Camp Off Limits to Academy Students." Small dark cabins and pine trees irregularly border the path. Gwen looks behind them furtively. They pass by several cabins and then stop in front of one.

ROGER

This is it. Number 23.

They look around nervously and then crunch through the snow to get to the door. Roger reaches into a pocket and pulls out the key. He opens a padlock on the door, puts the key and lock into his coat pocket and then opens the cabin door. They go in.

INT. cabin - same time

Inside the dimly lit cabin, Roger puts the sack down and reaches into it. He pulls out a sleeping bag, several blankets and a pillow and lays them on the floor. Gwen helps arrange them and then they both take off their coats and shoes and crawl underneath the covers. They lie facing each other as their hot breath condenses in the cold air. He removes her glasses, they kiss for a while and then he begins to unbutton her blouse.

EXT. cabin - same time

Giggling and shushing emanate from the cabin. This gradually transforms to longer and longer silences.

EXT. PATH BETWEEN SOME CABINS - same time

An older man, a campus SECURITY STAFFER, pads silently down the path in the falling snow. He carries an unlit flashlight. As he approaches cabin #23, a laugh from inside is clearly audible. The man shines his flashlight on the door, revealing that the lock is missing. He stealthily moves to the door, puts his hand on the doorknob and opens it, directing his flashlight inside.

GWEN(os)

(screams)

Oh my God!

INT. headmaster's office - day

Gwen and Roger sit surrounded by seven somber ADULTS: two sets of PARENTS, the HEADMASTER, a SCHOOL COUNSELOR, and a VICE-PRINCIPAL. Roger's father GENE, a distinguished looking man in an expensive suit, and Gwen's mother JANET, a matronly and buxom, no-nonsense woman, glare intensely at their respective children. Roger's mother RUTH, an attractive and trim woman in her forties wearing a tailored woman's suit, sits erect and looks on anxiously as she dabs her eyes with a Kleenex. Gwen's father BURT, wearing a slightly rumpled sport coat over a brightly colored ski sweater without a tie, sits back in his chair with his legs crossed, his hands folded and a concerned look on his face.

HEADMASTER

I'm afraid Academy policy leaves me no alternative but expulsion for the both of you. It's unfortunate the tuition refund deadline is past but my hands are tied.

There is a deathly silence.

ext. outside the administration building - later

An early 60s Volvo sedan containing Gwen and her parents drives away as Roger and his parents watch. The rear window frames Gwen's face. She and Roger raise their hands to forlornly wave goodbye to each other.

[stebinus]

For anyone who has read this previously, this is a new, shortened version.

Flowers in Your Hair - Synopsis

It's mid-winter, 1969 at the Weston Academy, a college prep school in the Michigan woods. Roger Greening and Gwen Warren, both seniors, sneak into an off limits cabin and make whoopee. A security guard discovers them and they are expelled.

Now stuck at home in Cincinnati, Roger has to go through the daily grind of public school 300 miles away from his lady love. His father, Gene, angrily berates him for messing up his education and disgracing the family and tells him to forget about Gwen.

Gwen tells Roger over the phone that she is pregnant. He vows to come and get her somehow. One evening he hears the classic Scott McKenzie song, “San Francisco (Be sure to wear some flowers in your hair),” which inspires him to follow through and he surreptitiously leaves early one morning. His mother Ruth, a much more sympathetic person than his father, discovers his absence and is devastated. She and Gene call the police over but there's not much they will do.

A huge early spring snowstorm catches Roger on the road. Nelda, a fat, chain-smoking woman in a beat up car with her elderly mother, picks him up. Gwen has prepared herself to go but when Roger doesn't show, she cries herself to sleep. The next morning, Roger's parents put out the alarm to Gwen's mom, Janet. Meanwhile, Nelda has put up Roger at her house a county away from Gwen and is having him help her with chores.

Alan Crisp, a Weston chum of Roger and Gwen, shows up at Gwen's snow buried country home. He has a message from  Roger. Gwen's father, Burt, hears the conversation through a heating duct. Alan and Roger pick Gwen up after school the next day and the lovers have a passionate reunion. Back at Warren's where Roger hides on the floor of the back seat, Janet reluctantly agrees to let Alan take Gwen out to “a concert” with “some kids from school.” The three friends take off and smoke some pot on a country road and Roger gets uproariously high for the first time in his life.

On Thursday Gwen skips school and the three friends hole up in a college dorm room and drop acid. They decide to all go to San Francisco together and be hippies. In the evening after the boys drop Gwen off, a mysterious car follows them back to Nelda's.

On Friday, Gwen gets in trouble at school for a note she forged for her previous day's absence and the principal calls Janet. Back in Cincinnati, Gene tells Ruth that his private investigators have found Roger and he vows to go and get him. Ruth tells Gene that Roger has called her to say he is OK. She thinks Gene is being too harsh and they have an intense argument about it.

Nelda asks Roger to stay with them on a longer basis for room, board and a little money. She also asks him to take care of things while she goes away for the coming weekend. Back at the Warren home, Janet chews out Gwen, writes off Alan, condemns Roger and forbids even phone calls.

Saturday Gene is on the road up to Michigan. Roger asks Alan to help him go get Gwen in the middle of the night. Roger wakens Gwen by throwing snowballs at her window and she packs up and sneaks out of the house. Burt discovers her but sends her on her way with his blessing.

On Sunday Gene runs out of gas and ends up in jail. Burt and Janet fight about Burt's letting Gwen go and they call Ruth and find out where Roger and Gwen are. Gene calls Ruth and tells her to come and bail him out and she takes a plane to Michigan that evening.

Monday morning Ruth gets Gene out of jail and they, Warrens and Nelda all separately converge on Gwen and Roger. A loud banging on the door awakes the sleeping lovers. Janet bursts in and goes into a tirade against them as Burt tries vainly to calm her down. Then Ruth and Gene arrive and Gene threatens Roger that unless he comes home, he's going into juvenile detention. Nelda opens the front door just in time to hear Gwen shouting that she is pregnant. Nelda asks the stunned assemblage if anyone wants coffee. Nelda's mother asks for Sanka and everyone but Gene and Janet begin to laugh.

The next scene is the outdoor, summer, hippie wedding of Roger and Gwen in the Warren's back yard where the bride is wearing flowers in her hair and a maternity dress. Happiness floods a multitude of friends and relatives at the occasion, except for Gene and Janet who look on resignedly.

Forty years later on a December evening, a late middle-aged couple look out over the beautiful San Francisco Bay filled with all kinds of boats displaying sparkling Christmas lights. Gwen and Roger have finally made it to Frisco. They reminisce a bit and send out a prayer to the memory of Alan whose ashes lie out in the Bay somewhere. The couple are joined by other vacationing family members, including three grown-up daughters and their husbands and several grandchildren. One of the grandkids, a lively girl in a hippie outfit, teases her grandpa Roger and the film ends with the happy strains of the Beatles song “Yellow Submarine.”

[uncle_al]

I agree.

With careful massaging crafting, this might be what Across the Universe wasn't...

Cheers!

Al B.

[LloJo]

Sounds like a good idea.
Give us a synopsis, and maybe a couple of pages.
Your  choice of the '60s is good, given the apparent mind-set of the characters.

[stebinus]

In the late 1960s, a bold young man runs away from home and hitchhikes 300 miles in a snowstorm in order to rescue his pregnant prep-school sweetheart from the clutches of her domineering mother as his vindictive father pursues him.

Whaddaya think, folks?