Script in the works am I on the right track?

[forestguardian2007]

 Im working on the storyboard and first basic animation for the opening, I'm on a min wage buget so have to create my own camera station and cells.

 I should have the storyboard finished in about 3 days if you would like to see it I will post it when finished. It will not be very detailed but its not the finished product.

 Thanks alot for atleast looking at it, no one has really read my story, I just don't want someone to steal it, sorry about not being to protective....

[LloJo]

If you want to save the formatting, I think CELTX has a PDF converter. That should do it for you.
This is an intriguing story. I've see your art work; very impressive.
I see a lot of "telling, not showing," in the script, but that should not slow you down. You know your story.
Do you have any clips as yet?

[forestguardian2007]

Ok I been reading an reworking my story to try and get my ideas out there, This is only the first 2 scenes of my story and need to know if Im on the right track as for as storytelling and the over all script.

 This will be the pilot script for an animated feature and pilot to my Series called:

 Trial, of the Guardian with is the first saga in a 2 part story. There will be a total of 20 episodes combined, 8 in the first saga and 12 in the main. CG 3d will be used to create the background and other not character elements of the story, traditional hand draw animation will be used to animate the characters I like the look alot better then CG characters. Also note that the characters in my story are not human, but a race I created based on deer called honovian's.

Here is a brief history of this race (not ment to be seen in the story only for personal ref)

 The Hovovian Chronicles- http://www.fileden.com/files/2007/4/27/1021456/Honovian%20History%20revision.doc

 Logline for the series:

Title-Hani, the Last Guardian
Genre-Science Fiction, Love, action, adventure
Description-
 550 years after the fall of mankind Hani sets off on the greatest journey of his life, with his best friend Yamka at his side. To full fill his destiny and save the world he must over come the Great Trials, the death of his family, and defeat the darkness that engulfs all in its path. Through it all they discover the love they both share for each other and learn that “Only through darkness can heroes step into the light”.

The greatest chapter in our planets history has begun, are you ready?

Ok sorry for the long post wanted to give you some information about the project. Here is the script so far the script itself is being typed in Celtx but did not know how to upload it so i converted it to MS word to post.

here is the script so far any help at all would be great.

Trial, of the Guardian- Episode 01- Childhoods Final Days: http://www.fileden.com/files/2007/4/27/1021456/Screenplay%20Trials%20of%20the%20Guardian%20first%20episoda.doc

Thanks for veiwing, hope you can help