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Author Topic: Log-line - Airborne  (Read 2123 times)
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FlickTick
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« Reply #6 on: October 08, 2008, 12:51:07 PM »
Yes, thank you guys!
I am still working on this script and consequently the Log-line as well.

 
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ajc5o5o
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« Reply #5 on: October 07, 2008, 10:44:47 PM »
Quote from: ScriptNurse on October 07, 2008, 10:42:07 PM
Always start with your protagonist. How about this:

"The disgraced navigator of a WWII bomber risks his life to uncover the truth behind the military cover-up of a crewman's disappearance during a critical mission."

I like it, gives the story flavor and isn't long winded!
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ScriptNurse
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« Reply #4 on: October 07, 2008, 10:42:07 PM »
Always start with your protagonist. How about this:

"The disgraced navigator of a WWII bomber risks his life to uncover the truth behind the military cover-up of a crewman's disappearance during a critical mission."
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Don Bledsoe
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Want to write screenplays? READ SCREENPLAYS!
Write it right and they'll say it right! NO SPEEDBUMPS!
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ajc5o5o
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« Reply #3 on: October 07, 2008, 10:19:41 PM »
Not sure if you're still looking for help but here I go...

"A disgraced crewman risks his life to solve a military cover up during WWII." - hopefully your story is operating in the present tense, should he be uncovering thist mystery years later this obviously wouldn't work for you.

AJ
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ScriptNurse
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« Reply #2 on: July 26, 2008, 09:43:00 AM »
Shorter is better ... easily in one breath is best.
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Don Bledsoe
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Write better ... right now! Good scripts are those that get bought.
Want to write screenplays? READ SCREENPLAYS!
Write it right and they'll say it right! NO SPEEDBUMPS!
Want control? GO TO FILM SCHOOL!
LloJo
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« Reply #1 on: July 25, 2008, 05:43:07 PM »
To me, #3 seems to fit the bill, being only a shade over thirty words.
I think I would change the wording to read "a disgraced navigator" and "behind a military cover-up.
Ya done good!
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FlickTick
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« on: July 23, 2008, 10:23:22 PM »
Which one do you prefer?
1 - A crewman's dissapearance onboard a bomber on a critical mission during WWII, dramatically impacts the lives of the crew, despite being court martialled and blocked by military protocol, the disgraced navigator risk his life on a quest to solve the military cover-up.

2 - A crewman's dissapearance onboard a bomber on a critical mission during WWII dramatically impacts the crew's lives and spurs the disgraced navigator to risk his life to fight a court martial and military protocol to solve the military cover-up.

3 - His life dramatically impacted by a crewman's dissapearance onboard a bomber on a critical mission during WWII, the disgraced navigator risks his life to discover the truth behind the military cover-up.

4 - In risking his life to expose a military cover-up, the disgraced navigator uncovers the truth behind a crewman's dissapearance onboard a bomber on a critical mission during WWII that had the crew court martialled.
I suck at Loglines!
Feel free to comment.
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