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Author Topic: Long time no see. New project. Angel. Need feedback. Thanks.  (Read 1558 times)
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ScriptNurse
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« Reply #7 on: February 28, 2011, 06:30:08 PM »

I would go with:   Faint sounds of CHIRPING BIRDS and BARKING DOGS play in the distance.

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Don BledsoeWant to write screenplays? READ SCREENPLAYS!
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« Reply #6 on: February 25, 2011, 10:08:22 PM »

Another ? After a flashback episode, when you return to "present day", how do you reintroduce the same scene? Do you go back through the same descriptions or can you just with dialogue?

EXT. TRAFFIC INTERSECTION - day - (present day)

                                ANGEL
                        (whispers to pines)
                     Stop... go... stop... go...

As ANGEL sits in traffic, fixated on the trees, a DISTRAUGHT MOTORIST pulls up in the lane alongside her.

My take on it, since you've already introduced/described the scene before the flashback, is just do the slugline as you have above.  It's sort of like a BACK TO SCENE after an INSERT shot, the way I view it.

Al B.
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aj1981
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« Reply #5 on: February 24, 2011, 05:51:46 PM »

Another ? After a flashback episode, when you return to "present day", how do you reintroduce the same scene? Do you go back through the same descriptions or can you just with dialogue?

EXT. TRAFFIC INTERSECTION - day - (present day)

                                ANGEL
                        (whispers to pines)
                     Stop... go... stop... go...

As ANGEL sits in traffic, fixated on the trees, a DISTRAUGHT MOTORIST pulls up in the lane alongside her.
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aj1981
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« Reply #4 on: February 24, 2011, 05:36:09 PM »

Is this right?

Faint sounds of CHIRPING BIRDS and BARKING DOGS play in the distance.

or, is this right?

Faint sounds of CHIRPING birds and BARKING dogs play in the distance.
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« Reply #3 on: February 23, 2011, 08:37:00 PM »

Yes, that will work.  You can also insert:

BEGIN FLASHBACK:

(scene or scenes go here)

END FLASHBACK.

Use the one that's easiest to read and clearer for the reader.
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Don BledsoeWant to write screenplays? READ SCREENPLAYS!
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« Reply #2 on: February 23, 2011, 08:30:47 PM »

TY SO MUCH, DON! So the slug line for present day at the traffic intersection AFTER the flashback would read how?



EXT. ANGELíS GRANDPARENTíS HOME - DAY - (FLASHBACK 1981)

EXT. TRAFFIC INTERSECTION - DAY (PRESENT DAY)
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« Reply #1 on: February 23, 2011, 08:24:46 PM »

There are some formatting errors, corrected below:

FADE IN:


INT. ANGELíS APARTMENT BATHROOM - DAY

A plush bachelorette pad located in the small sleepy town of Summerville, SC.

ANGEL, early twenties, a red-boned dancer with a toned physique, flawless skin and natural curls, stands in the bathroom mirror in a worn pair of faded Tommy Hilfiger jeans, a red crochet tam, and a plain black tank top applying last minute touches to her hair and makeup.

She impatiently fusses with her bangs for several seconds, then abruptly decides to ditch the hat and tosses it to the floor as she makes a hasty exit.


EXT. TRAFFIC INTERSECTION - DAY

Angel comes to a stop at the red light. A small staple of motionless pine trees on the side of the road catches her attention.

She quickly surveys her surroundings to make sure no oneís watching then returns to focusing on the still branches of the pine trees.

ANGEL
(whispers to pines)
Stop... go... stop... go...


EXT. ANGELíS GRANDPARENTíS HOME - DAY - (FLASHBACK 1981)

A strong steady gust of wind ripples through the pines of a nearby field as a young Angel looks on in amazement from the porch steps.

ANGEL
Stop!

Abruptly, the wind stops.

ANGEL
Go!

Within seconds, the strong breeze returns as the giddy nine year old continues repeating these commands at different intervals.


I took the liberty of correcting misspelled words and formatting errors.

When characters are first introduced in the script, their names must be in all CAPS.

FADE IN:  has fallen from fashion and there is no such thing as FADE IN ON:

Also, I do not recommend using FLASHBACK TO: as there is no such transition, at least officially. Technically, it's not incorrect to use FLASHBACK TO:, but I have never seen it used in a script ... and I've read quite a few.  The most common form is the one you see here.

The only other thing I noticed was that you have placed your character at her grandparent's home, but there's no description of the house at all ... it it urban? A remote farm house on the Kansas prairie?  In Miami?
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Don BledsoeWant to write screenplays? READ SCREENPLAYS!
Screenwriter & ProducerWant control? GO TO FILM SCHOOL!
Representation: Eileen OFarrell, OFarrell Management (818) 985-3136
Attorney: Paul S. Levine (310) 450-6711
Websites: Script Nurse, Go With The Flo Productions Inc., Queen Dad
aj1981
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« on: February 23, 2011, 05:18:49 PM »

Hi everybody! Long time since I've been here. Anyway. Wrote the first page of the idea that I've had writer's block on for so long. Wonder what everybody thinks of my skills? Have I improved any since first coming to the boards? How should one format a flashback, etc?

or, does this sound better:

A strong steady gust of wind ripples through the pines of a nearby field as a young AJ looks on in amazement from the porch steps of the family home.

AJ: Stop!

Abruptly, the wind stops.

AJ :Go!

Within seconds, the strong breeze returns just as the giddy 9-yr-old had ordered. So she continues repeating these commands at different intervals, nonstop.

BACK TO PRESENT
« Last Edit: February 23, 2011, 05:49:55 PM by aj1981 » Logged
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