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Author Topic: Here's the logline for my first script  (Read 1105 times)
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Caffiend
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« Reply #4 on: May 03, 2012, 07:38:13 PM »

That's why you're the Scriptnurse.  I'm still working on "Boy Scouts' First Aid Manual."   Cheesy
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ScriptNurse
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« Reply #3 on: May 01, 2012, 08:03:30 PM »

I think he sounds more committed if he "learns" or "discovers| what happened, rather than suspecting what happened.
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Don BledsoeWant to write screenplays? READ SCREENPLAYS!
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Caffiend
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« Reply #2 on: April 30, 2012, 10:24:03 PM »

Sounds tantalizing, Josh!  Great high concept!  And the title is excellent very provocative.

Maybe your logline can be tweaked a bit, but it stands well.  Might I suggest:  "A cryptozoologist suspects that the creatures responsible for his father's disappearance have re-appeared.  He's not the only one after them."

 "Father's disappearance is good: ambiguous (as opposed to "death," leaving open all sorts of possibilities other than death.  Survived, and injured? Captured?  Or has he captured them in some remote backwater?  Wow!

BTW, I don't think many people know what a "cryptozoologist" is.  They're in for a surprise.  Great (high) concept, and potentially a great summer popcorn movie.
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« Reply #1 on: April 11, 2012, 10:25:22 PM »

For a quick look and comment, email a PDF to me ... ScriptNurse@scriptnurse.com ... and I'll give you the Hollywood view of what I see.
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Don BledsoeWant to write screenplays? READ SCREENPLAYS!
Screenwriter & ProducerWant control? GO TO FILM SCHOOL!
Representation: Eileen OFarrell, OFarrell Management (818) 985-3136
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Websites: Script Nurse, Go With The Flo Productions Inc., Queen Dad
Joshferatu
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« on: April 08, 2012, 04:24:20 PM »

Title: "Of Unknown Origins"
By: Joshua Thomas Mischler

Logline: "A cryptozoologist hears a rumor that the creatures responsible for his father's disappearance years earlier have returned and that he's not the only one after them."

The main character is meant to be sort of like a mash up of Doctor Gregory House from the show 'House' and Tony Stark in that he's snarky and some might say egotistical. He is the foremost expert of mythical creatures and travels the world collecting evidence and capturing "monsters" for scientific study. When I wrote it I imagined what might happen if Bruce Wayne had lost his family to a pack of wild creatures after a plane crash instead of a gunman in an alley and the effect that would have had on him.

The actual genre is difficult to define. It is primarily an action/adventure story with elements of comedy and "horror" mixed in. I was going for something akin to Indiana Jones meets Rise of the Planet of the Apes. I have the script written up, but it's my first attempt at screenwriting so I know full well that it is far from marketable. But if anyone is interested in reading it and possibly collaborating, send me an email at josh.mischler@gmail.com or look me up on facebook. Thank you.
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